


Eremin Week day 1: Seashell

by lavenderink



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, M/M, Pre-Time Skip, post-ocean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2021-01-04 16:28:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21200651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavenderink/pseuds/lavenderink
Summary: "With every trip to the beach and every seashell, he had hoped to pull Eren a little bit closer, to remind him a little bit more of what connected the two of them, to bring a little bit more passion back into his heart. To see Eren's eyes light up again like they would when they were kids and dreaming in front of an old book."





	Eremin Week day 1: Seashell

Armin rolled up his trousers and advanced towards the shore. It was a sunny morning, though the breeze coming from the sea cooled down the heat of the sun. The water hit the sand in small waves that made Armin shiver when they first wet his feet.

A long time had passed since the first time, but he still would go to the beach every now and then, whenever the weather was good and he found some free time, and he would just fill up his eyes with that beauty, in silence, the only noise being that of the waves crashing against the shore.

As the water flowed over his feet and back again he remembered the day when that lifelong dream of his had finally been fulfilled. He had imagined it many times, and of course he used to play near the river back in Shiganshina, but his imagination had never been able to even come close to the actual immensity of the sea, nor to the beauty of the afternoon sun shining on the ripples of the water, nor to the salty smell. He remembered feeling the sand under his feet for the first time. And that day he had picked up his very first seashell. 

Armin took a step and leaned down, looking for shells between the little rocks washed over the sand. He had returned the following day after their first visit to the sea, curious to look for more interesting things, and he found out that seashells came in many more shapes and colours than he thought, one prettier than the other. Some were pointy, some were wide, some looked like they had been rolled over themselves, some big or small, and sometimes he would find some that had a rough texture at first, but if he looked closely he would find they were shiny and iridescent in the inside. He had happily returned with his hands and his heart full, and since then he made it a habit to go to the beach and collect some of those beauties.

Today was one of those days. Armin spent some time walking up and down the shore and bending down to pick up pretty shells every now and then, but the sea wasn't offering much that day. A couple of times he thought he had seen something and with the water threatening to wet his trousers, he plunged his hand inside the water, only to pull it back up with only sand and stones in his fist. As the time to go back approached, he decided that what he had picked up would do, and headed back towards the spot where he had left his boots.

...

"Eren?" Armin called, knocking on the wooden door, "Are you inside? Can I come in?"

"Sure."

Inside, Armin saw Eren standing at the window on the other side of the room. As the blond closed the door and approached him, he turned around to greet him with a small smile and turned his head back towards the window again, looking at the coastal landscape. Or at least, that's what anybody else would've said he was looking at, but Armin knew that Eren's eyes strived to look past the sea and far away, to whatever - and whoever - awaited beyond. Armin had grown used to that distant look by now, that same look he had the first time they got to experience the ocean they had dreamed of for so long. While he and Mikasa and everyone else lived it as a victory, while they just thought about enjoying themselves and about seashells and fish and salty water, while Armin rejoiced at finally fulfilling their dream, Eren just stood there, detached and deep in thought, looking at the sea as if it was yet another wall. 

"You've been to the beach?" Eren's voice pulled Armin away from his thoughts. "I saw you from over here."

"Oh! Yeah. I've brought you something too!" he let his shells distract him and bring his cheerfulness back. He extended his arms in front of Eren, taking his attention away from the scenery outside, and showed him the result of his little trip to the beach. "They're a bit fewer than usual, but they're pretty nonetheless, aren't they? Here, let's sit," he grabbed Eren's wrist and made him follow him to the bed, to sit down and have a better look at the newly collected little treasures. Eren's bed was simple, like the rest of his room. 

Armin let the contents of his hands fall onto the sheets. "Isn't this just a gorgeous colour? Here, take it," he said, placing a shell that had a nice shade of orange into Eren's hand, "take a look at it."

Eren turned it around in his fingers and gave him a little smile. "It's a nice colour indeed."

Armin smiled back, glad to see a bit of happiness showing on Eren's face. "Oh, and look at this big one," he held it in front of his eyes. He wanted to keep Eren's mind away from whatever thoughts had been worrying him for so long, and that Armin felt, deep down, had been slowly taking the Eren he knew away from him. 

"You've found bigger ones."

"Well, it's the biggest I found  _ today _ ," Armin scoffed. "Anyways, do you like them? Every one of them has something special, right?"

"They're all very pretty."

"What's your favourite? Choose one to keep!" Armin looked at him, trying to keep the conversation alive and to be cheerful and enthusiastic, striving to see that same enthusiasm in the other's eyes too. Those seashells were the symbol of the dream and motivation that had brought the two of them there. The reason they had endured so much, fought for each other,  _ died _ for each other. The symbol of the bond they had, of freedom, of victory. The fire that burned in Eren's eyes and the devotion in Armin's heart. Armin had pictured so many times moments like this in his mind, and in those thoughts, they were moments of pure joy in which all that mattered were the two of them, their dream, and their seashells. Just like what he had wished for that day in which they reached the ocean to be. 

But now, instead, they were only that. Seashells.

"I like this one," Eren answered lifting the orange one he was already holding. 

"I knew you would love it!" Armin said with a grin. Eren reached towards his bedside table and pulled a drawer open, where he let the seashell fall amongst a variety of different ones Armin had, patiently, brought him over the months.  _ How many more will it take? _

With a slight sudden sadness clutching at his heart, he blond stood up and collected the remaining shells. "Alright. I'm afraid it's getting late, and I have some stuff to attend to. Hope to see you later!" he headed towards the door, saying goodbye with a smile. Just as he touched the doorknob, he heard Eren call his name.

"Hey, Armin?"

"Yes?" he turned around to face him.

"Why do you keep... doing this?"

Armin blinked at him. 

"The seashells. You spend so much time collecting them when the both of us have so many by now, and you can find them anytime. And it's not like I don't appreciate these little gifts of yours, but I was just... wondering."

"Oh," Armin could feel his face reddening, "i-it's that..." Armin had had a hard time admitting it to himself, let alone out loud to Eren, but it had been a while since he had sensed that something was off. Every time he showed his friend his findings, he could feel something was amiss, and it took him some effort to realise and accept fully that the passionate Eren he knew and loved wasn't there to share his seashells with him. That his enthusiasm had been lost even before that day at the sea. He took a step closer to Eren, hoping to find the courage to let it all out. "I hoped... I wished..." he was aware of his voice shaking now.

Eren placed his hands on Armin's shoulders. Maybe he asked what was wrong, maybe he was worrying for him. But Armin's mind was screaming too loudly for him to hear.

"Our dream..." Armin said timidly.  _ Don't you remember our dream? _

It had taken Armin even longer to finally accept that he hadn't been doing all this out of simple habit, or pleasure or sheer will to share something with someone he loved. With every trip to the beach and every seashell, he had hoped to pull Eren a little bit closer, to remind him a little bit more of what connected the two of them, to bring a little bit more passion back into his heart. To see Eren's eyes light up again like they would when they were kids and dreaming in front of an old book. 

His very first seashell, he had gifted that one to Eren too. But now it was probably just lying there inside a drawer, under a pile of a hundred other ones, forgotten and just one of the many. 

He looked up at Eren, who was staring at him with concern. Armin could feel his words pushing at the back of his throat, but no sound would come out. The more he looked at those grey eyes, the more he convinced himself that that sheen was not coming back.  _ And no amount of pretty seashells will bring it back.  _ That feeling of sadness squeezed his heart even more and left him out of breath. Shaking his head, he pushed back his tears and freed himself from Eren's grip. "I just..." he stuttered, walking back towards the door. But then he hesitated and approached Eren once again and placed his shells in his hands. "... you can keep them."  _ There is no point for me to collect more anyway _ . He finally walked out as tears were finally pushing out of his eyes, leaving Eren alone and confused, with nothing but a bunch of seashells in his hands. 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope it came out as I intended it too! I feel like something is off tho. Feedback is appreciated <3 have a wonderful Eremin Week!


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